- So yeah I drank a 40 oz colt 45 and I am pretty drunk, well as in I feel nice and truthful at the moment.
- I have been thinking, "Man, I wish I stayed in school and experienced the life of being in college and having diploma and a job" Then I think to myself "FUCK THAT!" You want to know why?
- Because since I have been in the Marines I have experienced more than what any regular human being could have. I have met people from all four corners of the earth, I have done things with out regret, I have met women and laid with them with respect and the same animal desire they crave.
- I have learned so much and matured through these years and I would never take it back. I am a man, a man who most boys could never be.
- I am loving, caring, sincere, tough, and unforgiving at times. But, I will never be something that is less than what a man should be.
- I now think to myself "Oh my god" I could be that poor mother fucker who is stuck in a relationship with his college sweet heart stressing over bullshit school and realizing how tough the real world is when all of it is actually just bull shit. I know what the real world is and it is never what you wanted in life.
- I am happy who I have become because after four years of this bull shit I am now capable doing whatever the hell that makes me happy.
- Live your life now matter how hollow it is.
There’s this dream that I have. I am a middle aged man living somewhere where there are plenty of trees and when you wake up in the morning you can see the light break through those trees and you feel content and give a sigh of relief.
In this dream I have a family that I love very much. We are not perfect but we are still very happy and at the end of the day I lay next to a woman who I love the more than anything in this world.
My job I’m not entirely sure. But it is something that I love doing. It could be art or photography. It is still uncertain.
Every time I have this dream or think about it the more it becomes a fantasy and less a reality. This world continues to diminish any idea of happiness that I once had. Because the truth is the real world is not a happy place. The more I live in this world the more I just want to live in it alone.
I am really uncertain about my future. At one road, I have security but loneliness as well, and on the other road I have happiness but have much to fear.
I really have no idea what the hell I am going to do. I dont have that much time either, the days are counting down before I am set free and I have a decision to make all on my own.
I wish I just knew what to do.